GO Big for the Little!

I've been thinking a lot lately about the kinds of people God chooses to do his work.

Last weekend, Steve and I went to Kansas City for a day of GO Exchange ambassador training and a night of rodeo at The BIG Event. We learned about how God is at work in the lives of children, mothers, fathers, business owners, executives, and at-risk kids. All I can say about it is “Wow!”

In the room with me were women from all over the country, some homemakers, some in the medical profession, some hairdressers, some designers, some in their twenties, some in their sixties. We were all there to share in a common mission, a common vision, and to “Go big for the little.”

As I sat there, listening to story after story of God's leading, I wondered to myself for a moment, “Exactly how did I end up here?” At the moment, I'm the only Ohio ambassador, and I have no background in fashion, design, or even sales. I haven't yet been to Haiti or Uganda, and my sales certainly aren't setting the world on fire – and yet, God has brought me to this place at this time, and I am so blessed to be even a tiny part in what he's accomplishing.

We drove down Friday (eleven hours), and drove back on Sunday. I intended to go back to work on Monday, but Trenton wasn't feeling well, so I stayed home and exhibited all of my best parenting skills to their full potential with perfect patience, as I nurtured my children and got them bundled off to school. It was dreamy........NOT!

Here's what really happened. I was completely exhausted from the trip, thus not nearly as patient or alert as I should have been. While the three-year-old was clingy and wanting to snuggle, the eight-year-old and ten-year-old were demanding, dragging their feet, dilly-dallying, distracted, and in outright danger of driving their mother to drink!

The fifth grader missed the bus for the first time ever. He walked out the door, or rather sprinted out after I alerted him to the time, and waltzed back in a couple minutes later saying he was too late. He slumped into a chair, dropped his backpack, and said, “Now what?”

I told him to ride his bike. He suddenly couldn't remember how to get to school and was afraid he'd get lost. (Insert eye roll and surging blood pressure here – the boy has ridden his bike to school many times, but never alone, so I let him slide.)

At this point, I grabbed my trusty iphone. I barked out orders to Siri, who ignored me, offered me lots of options I didn't want, and froze up, choosing to do nothing. When I finally got a call through to the sitter, she didn't answer, her voice mail wasn't set up, and I was running out of ideas. Meanwhile, the fifth grader remembered that he was supposed to take ear buds to school for technology, and didn't have any. I began telling him where to look, and he and his brother were into every drawer and cabinet in the next several minutes while I tried to resolve the transportation issue.

Mercifully, a friend lives a few blocks from us, who also has a fifth grader, and answered his phone. His wife was already in the car, so she came and took the boy to school. Thank heavens!

Following this fiasco, the second grader needed lunch money, which needed to be enclosed in an envelope, with his name written on it, my name, and his student ID. He brought me an envelope, I printed his name, signed my name, and added his ID number. He looked it over and disgustedly said, “Your handwriting is really sloppy.”

Amazingly, I calmly said to him, “You know there are a couple reasons for that, right?” He wouldn't be deterred, “Is that even cursive? It just looks like a bunch of squiggles.” I found myself defending my poor penmanship, half-amused and half-annoyed, only for him to say, “Um, can we send a note to my teacher explaining that you're blind?”

Thanks, second grader, I'm glad to know this is that big of a problem for you. “No, I'm not sending a note. I've met your teacher. She knows I'm blind.” (I did not ask who was supposed to write said note, by the way, apparently he was.)

He finally left for the day, came back a couple times to pick up things he forgot, and I sat down on the steps, and said to God, “And YOU want ME to adopt another one?”

It's at moments like these that I remember the saying, “God doesn't call the equipped; he equips the called.” And I suppose that is what he's doing with us. If you're a follower of this blog, you've seen my perspectives radically shift from September of 2012 to September of 2014. Back then, I was the woman with a call, a plan for how it would work, no specific direction as to where we were going, and a whole lot of anxiety and fear over the money issue. God immediately began chipping away at my plans, cutting away any confidence in my own abilities to accomplish anything, and teaching me to let go, keep letting go, and just when I thought I'd given it all, to let go of a little more.

Don't get me wrong. We've had a blessed two years. We are overwhelmed with God's faithfulness! Steve found a bank receipt a couple months ago that reminded us just how far we've come. On Orphan Sunday, November 4, 2012, our adoption account had a total of $18.00 in it. And we were glad! We had invested in getting my book published, and we were finally profitable. But $18.00 won't go very far in the world of international adoption – it won't even fund a passport! We have fundraised, God has provided, we have saved, and kind-hearted people have given generously. That account has ebbed and flowed as we have paid fees, made applications, and jumped through home study hoops, but as it stands, we currently have over $11,000. ready and waiting. Every last penny of that will be gone soon as we are preparing to send off the dossier, hopefully this fall. And amazingly, I am not worried about it. God has provided, and he will provide. We just have to remain faithful and go along for the ride.

Speaking of that, here's where we are. We had our final home study visit earlier this week. The report is almost ready. We're simply waiting on West Virginia to send back a form stating I never abused any children there. Then we can fill out the dossier paperwork – the actual information that gets sent to Haiti. Our agency, America World, has licensed us to adopt through them. They will submit the dossier for translation, and sometime later, it will go to the proper authorities in Haiti. I can't give you a definite time frame on how quickly that will happen. Haiti's process is long and evolving as they have recently become a part of the Hague Convention. This is a good thing for kids, but it means we really can't predict the process as things are new and changing. What I can tell you for sure is that fees are going up!

Haiti currently has a policy permitting only one dossier to be submitted per agency per month, although they make exceptions in the cases of special needs children. So while we hope the dossier will be off this fall, we can't promise it. From there, we wait for a referral, prepare for a bonding trip, and realize it will likely be sometime in 2016 before our daughter actually comes home.

In the meantime, we are making decisions about some practical things, cheering on others who are currently parenting their adopted/foster children, and continuing to pray for wisdom every step of the way.

Steve Green recorded a song years ago which I have often used in concert. It's one of my absolute favorites, called, “I will Go.”

Part of the lyrics state as follows::

“I'll let go of my ambitions; cut the roots that run too deep. I will learn to give away what I cannot really keep.

Help me see with eyes of faith. Give me strength to run this race.

And I will go where there are no easy roads, leave the comforts that I know. I will go and let this journey be my home. I will go. I will go.

I will go, Lord, where your glory is unknown. I will live for you alone. And I will go because my life is not my own. I will go. I will go. I will go.”

That's where we're living. The journey has become our home. We can't tell you how long it will take, how we'll get there exactly, or what the final destination will look like, but there's no other journey we'd rather be on. We're learning to let go of our ambitions and our plans, and to let eyes of faith lead the way. We are giving of ourselves anytime God allows us the opportunity, and we are certain that God goes before us all along the way.

So what kind of people does God use? He's not looking for super stars, or people who have it all together. We certainly don't fit either of those categories. We're more the type who mop the kitchen floor an hour before a GO Exchange event, kick over the mop bucket causing water to go everywhere, and then fall while running through that water to get towels, knocking a hole in the laundry room door right across from the guest bathroom, thus requiring us to hide the hole behind a hamper with a bunched up blanket sticking out of it kind of people.

But if God will have us, we'll be glad to serve. And if he will lead us, we will go.

“Give thanks to the Lord. His love endures forever.”